These are jokes sent in by fans and most of them are utter shite but we provide a service to our fans to post em up here so keep em coming!

(Btw as they're all rubbish why not send in any jokes about any subject in future coz these are well weird)
Here's the first:

'Here are a list of real dentist names in order of frequency in the phone books around the world'

says arch geek Homer Tooth (clearly not his real name) of Stoat Gulch Illinois (clearly not a real place) :

"The names I have researched are:
Clive Pullman.
Trebor Rensch (pronounced wrench).
Sally Power-Tool.
Bob Drewel (pronounced "drool").
Pam Shittystick.
Libby Oww.
Arthur Fuck- me-That's-Painful.
Sid Put-That-Away-It's-Not-Funny.
Nell I'm-Not-Doing-That-You're-a-Pervert.
Seymour Chekup.
Tod Once-Bitten-Twice-Shy.
Bert Shugar-is-Bad-For-You.
Alan Four-Course-Meal-Now-Or-Else.
Nigel Scrape–That-Off-the Floor-Please-Nurse.
Keith Fang.
Nobby Knees.
Nick Hurter.
Rick Bleeder.
Nobby Nostril.
Larry Look-For-Fuck's-Sake-Keep Still.
Nick XRay.
Toothy Cock.
Dick Nasti-Yeeuch.
Terry Finger–up-Your-Ass.
Nobby Nobby.
Simon Paine/Payne/Pain (565 of these in fact but notably Daryl B Payne = "There Will Be Pain").
Rick Smiley-Vicar.
Elmer Blister-on-my-Tongue.
Tom Lancit.
Ian Carnt-B-Arse.
Miles Naked-From-The-Waist-Down.
Lionel Fartt.
etc

Nat Bite (clearly not his real name) from Winchester Hampshire London UK sends in an oldie and definitely not a goodie:

'A woman and her husband interrupted their holiday to go to the dentist.
The woman said "I want a tooth taken out, and I don't want any anaesthetic because I'm in a big hurry,"
'Ok" said the dentist "Just lie in the chair"
"Look. Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be outta here." Said the woman assertively.
The dentist was taken aback.
"You're certainly a very courageous woman!," he said, falling slightly in love. "Which tooth is it?"
The woman turned to her husband and said,
"Show him your tooth, Brian."
The dentist laughed and attacked them both with the drill.

Nick Nick (clearly not her real name) from Devizes Cornwall UK England sends in one that I'm having difficulty understanding:

"A man was going to have root canal work done but got up out of the chair and ran out. The receptionist stopped him and asked, "Excuse me sir? Why are you running out? Is our surgery not up to scratch? What's the matter?"
The flustered patient took a deep breath, sweat pouring down his fevered brow and said,
"Look. I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"
The receptionist replied "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the dentist!"

"Oh don't be ridiculous. You must be having hallucinations" said the receptionist.

"If this is a python I'm a zoologist" replied the patient taking his trousers down.

(Hmmm. Too many mushroomsI think)

Here's another surreal one from Mick Dobber from Dobber in Dobber UK (not real locations clearly) and I haven't had the heart to tell him that not only is it rubbish it's not about dentistry at all:

"While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained.
The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing," he said. "Why do you think it was stolen here?"
"After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly."
"I think" explained the surgeon gently, "that means your cataract operation was a success."

(Mick. Do you see your error here? It's about eyesurgery you narner. The clues are in the words 'eye-surgeon' and 'cataract'. Derrr.)

Here's one from Simon Cowell (possibly his real name) of Face Like a Badger UK (possibly a real location)

A man is in the reception of a dentist.
"While I was waiting to see the dentist, a woman came out of the surgery smiling.
Nodding to me, she said, "Thank goodness! Finally I have found a wonderful painless dentist and one who's so gentle and understanding too". And she left grinning!
"When seated in the dental chair, I related the incident to the dentist. He laughed and explained,
"Oh, that was just my Father. He's a transvestite."
(No. I don't get this one either).

Tees Maid (clearly not his real name) from Goole UK sends in a right groaner:
"A patient lies down in the dental chair with severely shitty teeth. After discussing how they will be repaired and what the cost will be the patient says,

" Before we begin old chum, I have to know: Will I be able to play football like Didier Drogba when you are finished?
"
The dentist replies " No. I'm a dentist. Not a fucking miracle worker".
" Nipples." says the patient stomping off.

(WTF?)

Dan Snott (clearly not her real name) from Hammersmith London UK sends in this stonker (not)
"A bloke and a girl meet at a bar. They get on really well and decide to go back to the girl's place for a drink. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his trousers and washes his hands.
He then takes off his socks and washes his hands. He then takes off his false leg and washes his hands.
The girl looks at him and said, "You must be a dentist!"
"How did you know?" says the amputee balancing adeptly
"You're still wearing your smock."

(Fuck me that's obscure. And what's with this false leg? Bloody hell)

Please send in your jokes and we'll do our best to put 'em up here despite their madness/unfunniness/surreal quality!
DK

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