TRUST ME I'M A DENTIST

Everybody
oooh
Everybody in the whole wide world
aaooo
Every single person
ooohyahhh
You just gotta u just gotta..u just gotta
open wide and let me in!
Oh let me in
In in in
SOUND OF BRUSHING
Trust me I’m a dentist I'm a dentist I’m a dentist.
Trust me I’m a dentist open wide and let me in.
I’m a dentist. ooh
I love to drill ooh ooh
Discoloured teeth ooh
Give me a thrill ooh ooh
When I get you ooh
On your back ooh
You’ll say tar tare
Ta ta
To all that plaque
I'm a professional you see
Although I’m masked
There’ll be no robbery
I'm a dentist
Open wide and let me in

You get a smart white coat
You get to put on plastic gloves (all thwack)
You get to use a saliva pump
It’s extraction that I love
Doo doo doo
BRUSHING
I’m capping here
X raying there
No need to squirm
Deaths are rare
If it’s dentures
You require
I’ve got a draw full for you to admire
GET OUT CLACKY TEETH
ITALIAN
It’s afulfillin so fulfilling
To be afillin in your filling
I'm a dentist...Open wide and let me in
MICE
Trust me I’m a dentist I’m a dentist I’m a dentist
Trust me I’m a dentist open wide and let me in
NORMAL
Trust me I’m a dentist I’m a dentist I’m a dentist
Trust me I’m a dentist open wide and let me in
And rinse! And spit!
Huh

ALL SHAKE HANDS AND CONGRATULATE EACH OTHER

WRESTLE

TINA: Stop stop stop!

ALL: What!

TINA: Doodle oodoodle doo doo….Even more secrets of the surgery!

ALL: Hooray!

TINA: Wrestling

ALL: Wrestling?

NINA: Yes. Wrestling! It’s a little known fact but dentists love to wrestle. Many dentists are wrestlers. In fact Johnny Fang was a well known wrestler with the WWF for a period till injury forced him to retire.

DAVE: He got bitten. By a lion. WWF World wildlife fund.

NINA: So before we do the next song we ought to tell you a few wrestling holds which we use in the song. There’s the well known inverted facelock for example…(TINA ON DK)...the celebrated half nelson…the often used fujirama armbar (TINA HAS NO IDEA) and of course the Stomach Claw popularized by Killer Kowalski…
So as I said many wrestlers do this..let’s wrestle!

WRESTLE

When I come home

GIRLS: Home home home

DK: After a hard day’s dentistry. Home

GIRLS: Home home home

DK: Cedar Road number 53. Home

GIRLS: Colliers Wood

DK: And I get myself naked

GIRLS: Naked. Off goes goes his kit

DK: I put on a pair of trunks.

GIRLS: Trunks. Tiny little trunks

DK: I ease my trunks on

GIRLS: On. On. It’s a tiny little thong yeah yeah yeah yeah

DK: They’re a sort of cerise

GIRLS: Cerise trunks yeah

DK: And my neighbour Bill comes over

GIRLS: Bill Tregunter. From number 55

DK: And we wrestle

GIRLS:  Wrestle

DK: Wrestle with my neighbour Bill. Throw him to the floor.

GIRLS: Wrestle.

DK:Till he can’t take no more
Get him in a head lock
Till he yells in pain
Get him to submit
Then drop kick him again and again and again and again

Then we have a lull

GIRLS: Lull lull. Mini pausette yeah

DK: We have a cup of tea

GIRLS:  Two sugars please

DK: Bill talks about his day

GIRLS: He’s a dentist too

DK: And we might have a Jammy Dodger

GIRLS: Or a Rich Tea

DK: or a Jaffa cake..But then again we wrestle

GIRLS: Wrestle

DK: I get him with a forearm smash
(TINA RUNS AWAY FROM NINA)
Followed by a double chicken wing camel clutch
Then the tongan death grip
And then I throw him to the floor once more
And because we’re in the living room he bangs his head against the skirting and the door
And then I stamp on his face repeatedly till the blood flows

And then the ambulance comes

GIRLS: Comes comes little old siren going

DK: And I say same time tomorrow Bill as he’s taken away on the stretcher
And he says yes

GIRLS: Yes! If I’m out of hospital

DK:  And I say nonsense it’s just a scratch..despite having probably caused internal bleeding and a ruptured spleen and cracked several vertebrae…
And I wave at him as he goes down the driveway on the stretcher and I’m proud we’re both wrestlers and dentists
Wrestlers and dentists impro…
So proud

TONGUE IN

DK IS PETTED BY NP AND TINA IN AN OBVIOUSLY SUGGESTIVE WAY.THE GLOVE GOES BETWEEN HIS LEGS…. AMONGST OTHER PLACES!
Huh
A really fit woman, asked me to check her teeth
I looked em all over. Both above and beneath.
They were all well proportioned.
What lovely proportions
A really sweet set
A set of the best
But when I looked at her molars…
Oh shit
I started to fret….Fret fret

When I looked in her mouth. I wanted to put my tongue in. x3
Put my tongue in. Oh yeah
Put my tongue in, Oh yeah
Put my tongue in…Oh yeah 

 All the way down her throat

Teeth to teeth
Face to face
Nose to tongue
Brace to brace
Saliva flows from here to here
Ear to ear
Veneer to veneer
Let’s tongue a patient
Let’s snog a patient
Let’s bler bler bler a patient
French kiss one today

Coz in the midst of my poking I wanted to put my tongue in
Tongue in blah blah GIRLS DO IT
I gazed in her mouth I wanted to put my tongue in
I drooled at her mouth I wanted to put my tongue in
Nar ner ner ner ner ner ner ner ner
Nar ner ner ner ner ner ner oh yeah
Ner ner ner ner ner ner ner

…But  I didn’t coz  that might have caused a possible sexual harassment case so there was no problem and I didn’t want to get struck off did I? I mean bloody hell I didn’t put my tongue in did I? I mean come on mate. If you were me you’d’ve thought the same wouldn’t you. Of course you would….you do that all day..you think things but you don’t do em…. Most dentists have the urge to insert all sorts of objects in your mouth when they have you in the chair. They just can't help it. It's one of the reasons they became dentists in the first place. They see an open mouth and their immediate thought is 'whoops what could go in there?' Of course they do nothing about it. They'd be out of a job! I mean what about that bloke who weed in the sink while being a dentist! He got struck off! And rightly so! I mean sure you constantly have the urge to wee in the sink! It's part of the job! You want to put something in your patient's mouth and wee in the sink. But you don't ever do it! In this instance I sing about wanting to put my tongue in, which as I've said is very understandable. But if I did it I’d be out on my ear and probably arrested. Unless the patient was drugged in which case you can get up to all sorts of mischief. But you didn't hear me say that!

THOUGHTS OF A DENTIST

Ow x 12

When I’m filling a filling and you think I care
In fact my thoughts are quite elsewhere
I’m up a tree somewhere in my underwear

These are the thoughts of a dentist

When I’m working away with a concentrated air
And I’m asking you to sit back in the chair
I’m thinking of you naked yes totally bare
These are the thoughts of a dentist

Dentists ain’t what they appear to be
They live in a world of fantasy
When they’re pulling your teeth in their heads they’re watching Chelsea
These are the thoughts of a dentist

Ow ow ow

KAZOO AND MOUTH ORGAN SOLO

When out of your mouth I’ve taken the drill
And I’m telling you ‘ok you can swill’
I’m thinking about the size of your bill
These are the thoughts of a dentist

When I’m sailing up your root canal
And I’m finding the work oh so banal
I’m dreaming of snogging some big bottomed gal
These are the thoughts of a dentist
Ow ow ow ow
Toothsome
DK: Hey let’s talk about teeth
ALL: Let’s
DK: Have you ever really thought about what teeth do?
TINA: Teeth break down food
NINA: Yes…. Teeth
DK: …When you think about it
NINA:… are bastards
ALL: Yes. Bastards!
DK: Your teeth prepare food for digestion by breaking it ….
TINA: Down… and then chewing it
NINA:  ..Up. They’re nasty to food .
DAVE: Poor poor food!
NINA: They inflict damage on it. They do this by cutting, tearing, crushing, smashing grinding and generally getting in there and putting it about.
TINA: Your eight flat front teeth, although attractive when seen from the front…. are vicious…they’re good for biting, scraping and cutting. They are called incisors
DK:  Your four cone shaped canines may have the appearance of being a bit on the poncey ‘Ooh I’m not up for it. I’d rather have a lie down’ side, but are in fact experts at piercing and tearing.
NINA: Now at the back here are the teeth of death…
ALL: Oh no. It’s the teeth of death
NINA: …the horrible teeth that crush and grind your food and put it out of its misery after it’s been done over by the other teeth and these are your eight blunt premolars and your twelve broader, larger molars
TINA: Don’t we have a song about teeth
DK: You betcha

TEETH OF AN ANGEL

Into Teeth of an Angel

LOTS OF SILLY DANCING

DK: The only way to be my love

GIRLS: Be his love
Be his love

DK: Is to have a set of teeth to please God above

Teeth to please God
Him upstairs

I don’t care about the size of your chest

Big or large
Tit size irrelevant

 It’s your teeth that must please me the best

Fabulous teeth
Mega important

You gotta have glorious teeth
Teeth of an angel
Teeth of an angel
No bleeding gums to give me grief
Teeth of an angel
Teeth of an angel
I’m not keen on cavities my dear

Holes not good
Holes he don’t like

If your teeth aren’t perfect you’ll be out on your ear

Off you’ll go
You’ll be on your bike

I won’t be gruff if you don’t shave your muff

Not having a Brazilian
Not important

Teeth to die for is quite enough
Very good teeth
That’s his brief

You’ve gotta have glorious teeth
Teeth of an angel

Teeth….. teeth…..teeth..teeth…..
Kazoo horn sequence
WE GET OH SO LOW
NP: No gingivitis….

DK: (IN PAIN) Please please please havea de beautiful gnashers…..Ergle bergle bergle bergle bee
I won’t shake my head if you’re crap in bed

That was really toothsome

CONGRATULATE EACH OTHER

SHAKE HANDS AND EMBRACE
ALL BRUSH TEETH

TEETH ARE BASTARDS

DK: I’ve got a little tale to tell you….come over here and sit at my feet….Now…My mother was a dentist. But peculiarly she hated teeth. In fact her hatred caused her to become a dentist.

TINA: Why was that?

DK: Because teeth are bastards

NINA: Oh yes! Of course they are!

TEETH ARE BASTARDS

DK: Here’s a dentists’ view of teeth

Here you are..can you do a kazoo intro on this?

Kazoo
When I was a little boy
Ba bup bup boy
My dentist mum gave me a wink
Bar bup bup wink
She said
Let’s talk about teeth
Bup bup bup teeth
They’re much more dangerous than you think
Much more dangerous and she winked

Coz Teeth are really really evil
Bup bup bup wooh
Teeth are really bloody pooh
Bup bup do do
You’ll agree with me
Bup bup Possibly
When I tell you what teeth do
Teeth are bloody bloody pooh

CHORUS
Coz teeth are bastards
Come on!
Incisors pierce and tear
Ha ha ha
Your food has no chance
Help help
It would rather not be there
Can I leave the mouth please?

She shouted
Vicious  canines
Mwah wah wah
Bite and scrape
Gnash gnash
Poor poor food
Poor food
Just can’t escape
Where do you think you’re going?

Kazoo verse

CHORUS:
Horrible molars
Mwahh hah ha
Leave me somewhat flushed
Ooh I’ve gone all red
Coz molars are spiteful
Hmm
They grind and crush
Rar ra ra ra
VERSE:
So I learnt my dreadful lesson
Bup bup Oh dear
And made myself an instant vow
Bup bup Brown cow
I’d have revenge on bastard teeth
Revenge
Sometime some mouth some teeth some how
Revenge

Slow angelic verse
Ooh ah ooh
And that’s why my mum became a dentist
Revenge
That’s why she donned the dental gown
Revenge on teeth
That’s why she takes great pleasure
Poor poor food
Pissing bastard teeth around
Kazoo

Coz If teeth loved football
They’d support Millwall
If you’re a bit of grub
You’re going home in the back of an ambulance

BOW

SKUNK BREATH

DK: Here’s a scenario for you. What would you do if you met someone with really bad breath? ….Can I throw this open to the audience?
Anybody?.... Tina?

TINA: Offer him or her a gas mask.

DK: Aruhah. That is the wrong answer. Anybody?
Not Paula?

NINA:  Breathe the fumes deeply and puke.

DK: Aruhah. That is the wrong answer. Nina…

NINA: Wrap a large amount of heavy duty tape around their gob.

DK: Aruhah. That is the wrong answer. But we’re just joking….
What would we actually do?

TINA: Well …we’d give them advice

NINA:  On how to get rid of it

DK: Correct! ….What else would we do!

TINA: Oh I know

DK: What?

TINA: We’d sing em a lovely song!

DK: Correct!

NINA: Possibly this one?

DK: Ding. That is the right answer

INTO SKUNK BREATH

Doo doo doo doo do doo dee dooby doo aaah teeth
LOTS OF POINTING AND GRINNING

Guy came to see us the other day

Aaaahhhhh

A foreign looking guy in a geeky sort of way

Geek geek

The moment I saw him I thought he was French

Why?
Pour quay?
Pourquoi…

 No particular reason..i just wanted a rhyme for phwoor what a stench

Poo poo poo pooey pooh!

He had
Skunk Breath

GIRLS: One whiff and you succumb

Skunk breath

GIRLS: A weapon of mass destrucshun

Skunk Breath

GIRLS:  Skunk’s bum

Rancid toxic pongy. Manurey skidmarked dungy.  Cabbage farty poohey… fhwoor yeeuch dreadful for fuck’s sake!

GIRLS: Oh my god he’s stepped in shit…please say he has!

ALL: Doobey doo doo..dooby doo doo etc

DK: Skunk breath

GIRLS: Wish I’d stayed in bed

DK: Skoonk brith

GIRLS: Smelt my farts instead

DK: Skinky broth

GIRLS: Sewer for a head

DK: Someone get a shotgun I can’t stand it it’s appalling it’s alarming it’s a combination of..diarrea and bile..urine and marmite..cacky caky caky nappy..solied underpant..tramp’s smeggy cark…my mate’s colostomy beg..Camilly Puker Bile Tampon
Bista!

THERE IS A GROUP HUG

‘UCK OFF SON

DK: Now here’s an interesting question,,,how does one decide to be a dentist. What gets you on the road to dentistry?

DK: Tina?

TINA:  Hmm. Thanks DK. I developed a highly tuned social conscience as a child and just wanted to make people better. I was fascinated by animals and was especially interested in their teeth. One thing followed another.

DK: Nina?

NINA: Progress really. I liked the whole history of teeth and how every day our knowledge of teeth is improving and I wanted to be a part of that.

DAVE: I was fascinated by saliva.

DK: Seriously Dave.  What got you on the road to gardening?

DAVE:  I started growing weed on my window sill.

NINA: How about you DK?

DK: I come from a long line of dentists. I’ll tell you what happened in a song…

This is for my Mum..there she is…I’ve had an interesting relationship with my mother…I owe it all to her..she’s here tonight..crouching in the corner….give us a wave Mum….
Thanks that’s great

Can you see the stars in my eyes
Dentistry’s such a buzz
Dentistry makes me smile
I’m in love I’m in love I’m in love

DK MIMES TO MOTHER’S LINES
When I was young
My Mum sat me down and asked me
What did she say?
She said…
NINA: When you’re older
What d’yer think yer gonna do?
What did you say?
I said ‘Haven’t quite made my mind up actually Mother!’
She said
TINA: (INDIAN)  Now hold it right there mister. You’re gonna be a dentist like your mother and your brother and your father and your uncle too’

NINA: It’s supposed to be Welsh.

TINA: It was Welsh. It’s better than yours.

DK: Now I wasn’t quite sure if this is what I wanted
GIRLS: What does he want, doesn’t really know
DK: Despite my mother’s locking me in a smelly cupboard till I answered yes
GIRLS: Under the sink.. smelt of bleach
DK: I wondered if another career would be more appropriate
GIRLS: What can we do hasn’t got a clue
Like nursing or a vet or IT or a florist..street cleaner…MEP…bloody hell I don’t know
But Mother said that she knew best

GIRLS: Always knows best, this is what she said

GIRLS: ‘uck off son. You’re gonna be a dentist
Dentist you’re gonna be a
‘uck off son. You’re gonna deal with teeth
Teeth you’re gonna deal with ooh
Dentistry is great
Great
Dentistry is fine
Fine
Dentists make good cash
Dentists drink fine wine
Fuck off son you’re gonna be the man

Can you see the stars in my eyes
Dentistry’s such a buzz
Dentistry makes me smile
I’m in love I’m in love I’m in love I’m in love I’m in love
Can you see the stars in my eyes
Dentistry’s such a buzz
Dentistry makes me smile
I’m in love I’m in love I’m in love I’m in love I’m in love I’m in love I’m in love I’m in love
With my Mum

DK BREAKS DOWN, TWITCHES AND HAS TO BE SOOTHED

FLOSS

A good flossing can get rid of it. Here’s a song about flossing.
INTO FLOSS
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Well I met her one night
She doop she dentist
In a white walled bar
She doop she dentist
One look in her mouth
She doop  she dentist
She had some tartare
She doop she Yeeuch
And I noticed some spinach
Yeucch
In between her toothy teeth
Is that a bit of bacon?
I wanted to floss her
Yeah
Floss her hard floss her deep

I wanted to floss her
Floss her sideways from behind
Floss her so much that it almost flossed my mind
Floss…Floss

Well I drove her to my practice
He’s a big flosser
And dribbled at her touch
Such a big flosser
Her tongue was a whirring
Great big flosser
Like an electric tooth brush
Brrrr

I wanted to floss her..
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
I wanted to
Floss her quick
Floss her slow
In and out till her molars glow

Floss floss

KAZOOS
Open wide baby x4 plus stupid dancing

Well I showed it to her
Oh
She said
NINA :  ‘Put it away
Oh!
TINA: (BRUMMIE) I’m not sure I want that
Oh
NINA: In my mouth today
Oh
But with a little persuasion
Ow
I flossed her till she bled
Ow
With my fabulous technique
Phworr
With my massive piece of thread
Ow!

And I flossed her
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Gonna floss her forever
Coz I’m the flossing boss
Floss me …….
She was well and truly flossed
ALL: Ow ow ow my teeth are humming

ALL FLOSS

ALL CONGRATULATE EACH OTHER

MRS PRENDERGHAST

Dubby doo dee dahh dubby doody teeth teeth

Would you open a bit wider please Mrs Prenderghast..yes yes..just a bit wider..a bit wider than that ..you’ve got a ..a small mouth..a lovely…small mouth..yes yes that’s the ticket..nasty cavity there…big cavity too many sweets..in that… lovely… small mouth..well done..that’s finished now..have to put a filling in it now Mrs Prenderghast ghast ghast ghast

Molars
Let me bond your
Incisors
Let me seal your
Canines
Let me feel your
Grinders
Let me drill your
Wisdoms
Let me scrape them
Let me hold them

She came into the surgery
I knew at once she was meant for me
What bicuspids
What a beautiful bite
No bruxism
Which means she doesn’t grind at night

She had a class three malocclusion
But I could deal with that easily
And a problem with her tongue
Which was a bit furry
I wondered if her life with Mr Barry Prenderghast was a happy one
And whether I could make her smile and laugh and laugh in the morning sun
Be my dentist girl
In my dental world
Be my dentist girl
In my dental world
Be my little dentist girl
Merwerher
Let me probe your
Back Teeth
Let me bond your
Back top Teeth
Let me seal your
Front
Let me feel your
Front top
Let me scrape your
Back bottom
Let me drill your
Front bottom
I couldn’t help myself I had to tell her how I felt
Excuse me but um
I’d like you to be my dentist girl
Mrs Prenderghast
I’d like you to share my dentist world
Sally
We could hold hands
Both of them
I’d wear a rubber glove
The blue one
Also my mask
The white one
It would add mystery to our love
Wooh
When we do thingy
Thingy
We’ll ride in the dental chair
Thingy in the chair
Or on the floor
Fluoride
Where I don’t really care
Doesn’t care where for thingy
I’ve got a friend
Kevin
I wonder if he can watch
Self abusing Kevin
He’s not a dentist
He’s a welder
But I promise that he won’t touch
Won’t touch when we do thingy
You’ll get free dental treatment though you’ll probably have to pay for the hygienist
Hang on I can take care of that of course though you might have to pay for some of it
Ooh I can offer you an attractive discount if you sign up to my direct debit scheme
Sign here let’s make this a reality Mrs Prenderghast
Let’s fulfil my dental dream
Won’t touch when we do thingy
Don’t swallow the scraper
Thingy
Don’t chew on the drill
Thingy thingy thingy
Don’t choke on the wads of cotton wool
Thingy thingy thingy thingy thingy
Be my little dentist girl
Welcome to my dentist world x3
Mrs Prenderghast
Thingy Thingy Thingy Thingy Thingy
Shum ee der dum dee dum teeth teeth

DENTIST LOVE

La la lalala la la la
Dup de doody doody dentistry
Dentistry
Dup de doody doody toothy glee
Toothy glee
Dup de doody doody you and me
You and me
It’s called dentist love babe                                                                
Aaah aah
Real dentist love
Yes

We’ll make love forever
In the dental chair
We’ll drill each other
with the utmost care
Yuk a yuk a yuk a yuk a yuk ayuk a ayuk a yuk
We’ll floss and floss
and we’ll do it bare
Naked flossing
It’s called dentist love babe
Sweet novocaine lips
Amour de dentiste
Oui

CUE EXOTIC BIRD BOARD..

You need canal work I’ll root for you
Root canal love
If you get an abcess I’ll drain it through
Abcess love
If your teeth get knocked out I’ll make dentures for you
False teeth love
It’s called dentist love babe
Swill then smooch
Aije caracoro!
Hi
MAD KAZOOS!
It’s called dentist love!
Bar bar dar bow bup dee bar dee bow etc

 

NEW TEA BAG

(Chivers is a butler friend of DK’s)

Hey little teabag
Sitting in my cup
Waiting for the water
Then you will be brewed up
Hey little teabag
Your tea is nice and fresh
I hope you’re not darjeeling
The taste is not appealing
Coz you’re builders tea
I want builders tea for me
It’s nice and strong
Can’t go wrong
Builders tea
 -stand your spoon up
6 or 7 sugars

CHIVERS: Touch my teabags
Press my perforations
Hold my teabags
Squeeze my sachet

DK: Chunky little teabag
Are you Tetley’s or PG
I don’t give a monkeys just as long as you are tea
But you gotta be real tasty
No scented teas will do
Earl Grey or Lapsang Souchong
Or Ceylon I will not brew

CHIVERS: Assam tea. 

ALL: No way!

CHIVERS: Chinese tea.

 ALL: No way!

CHIVERS: Peppermint tea.

ALL: No way!

CHIVERS: Green tea.

 ALL: No way!

CHIVERS: Jasmine tea.

ALL: No way!

CHIVERS: Honey lemon and ginger.

ALL: No way!

CHIVERS: Raspberry mango and cumqwuat.
 
ALL: No way!

CHIVERS: Avocado and teak.
 
ALL: No way!

CHIVERS: Acorn and soap.
 
ALL: No way!

CHIVERS: Aardvark blackcurrant and hedgehog.

ALL: No way!

CHIVERS: Pavement and gutter with gravel and grit.
 
ALL: No way!

CHIVERS: Those little bits of fluff you get in yer navel.

ALL: No way!

CHIVERS: A man in a mac wearing a bra.

ALL: No way!

DK: Builder’s tea.

ALL: Yes way!
Hey little tea bag
Sing a song for me
The kettle is a whistling
And it’s boiling tunefully
Get on down and sing a song
While lyin in that cup
Awaitin for the water
Then you will be brewed up
And here is the noise the teabag makes when the boiling water is poured upon it….
Ooooheeeeeeaaaawooooow I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it……………
Hey Little Teabag…Hey Little Teabag. Teabag.
Let’s go teabagging
Let’s get naked
For no apparent reason

(Chivers hands him a cuppa)

DK: Nectar of the Gods! (He spits it out)

(LOTS OF LIP SMACKING)

CLICKY

TINA: Stop! It’s time for more…..Doodlee doo doo doo…Secrets of the surgery

ALL: Hooray!

DK: Now I don’t know if you know this ,

ALL: Hooray!

DK: But when you get a chip in your tooth it’s called a clicky.

TINA: That’s dentist jargon for it

NINA: It’s Latin it’s clickitus chippitae.

DK: Yes!

TINA: Yes!

DAVE: Yes!

ALLGIVE HIM LOOK

DK: Anyone recently been to the dentist with a clicky? Sorry a chip?
You sir…anyone? Anyone been to the dentist recently at all? What was wrong with you? What did you have done? Where was that?
Anyone got any good stories about teeth or dentists…or anything they’d like to share with the group? etc
Well here’s a song about having a chipped tooth

Into CLICKY CLICKY

Let me look in your mouth
Oh yes! Your teeth go clicky clicky clicky clicky ticky ticky mm That’s bad
Coz there’s a chip in your tooth…chippy chippy chippy chippy clicky wicky oh dear
I want to make your teeth good! … pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty  mmm I do
So I suggest you have a crown…crowny wowny owny wony wownee eee eee just for you

Oh no it’s worse than I thought….
Your teeth are loosy woosey oopsy whoopsy falling out your mouthy wouthy ooh!
We need to whip em all out of your mouthy wouthy quickly quickly whippy whippy outy outy owww
And then we’ll give you some dentures…false teethy weethy no more clicky wicky ticky wicky no…
And then as I said…you’ll be pretty pretty when you sing this ditty ditty pretty pretty yo

X 6 DAVE SHOUTS ‘EVERYBODY’ AFTER THREE REPEATS

IT ALL GETS QUICKER AND QUICKER AND QUICKER

Pretty pretty clicky clicky ticky ticky toothy woothy
Must removey wovey all your rotting teethy weethy
And your gums are also shitty. Shitty shitty not so pretty

Gumsy wumsy shitty witty ooh! Do last coherently